


Who Knew Hearts Shattered Like This?

by Jala



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Break Up, M/M, No Fluff, Post-Break Up, sorry kageyama you didnt deserve this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-28
Updated: 2016-12-09
Packaged: 2018-07-18 18:09:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7325272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jala/pseuds/Jala
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hinata was fidgeting since the end of their practice. Kageyama waited for the storm to come, but what he got was a hurricane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Like Glass Falling on Concrete

That evening started like any other would have for them: after a hard but satisfying practice, they went home together. Going to the same college had its perks: they were now living together, making their relationship stronger than it had ever been. Yes, they still bickered and shouted at each other, but now there were kisses, hugs and tenderness that weren’t there at the first steps of their relationship.

Now, they could hold hands happily, cook (more like trying, both of them where walking dangers in a kitchen) and fall asleep together without any regrets or anxiety because they knew the other would always be there for them. 

This evening though, Hinata seemed a bit restless. He wouldn’t quite look Kageyama in the eye, smile a bit too wide to be true and fidgeted a lot. Like, a lot for Hinata, who could never stop moving. Always a pen in his hand, a leg shaking under the table or even playing in Kageyama’s hair when they were on the couch. Kageyama started to worry, but didn’t know what was going on, so he shrugged and just let it go. When Hinata would be ready to tell him, he would listen, or at least put some sense in his adorable stupid head of his.

They made it back with Hinata babbling about his day like Kageyama wasn’t there with him all day (which wasn’t true) and Kageyama just narrowed his eyes at his partner’s behavior. He was used to Hinata’s antics, but right now it was different. He kept quiet, wondering what could have caused this behavior in Hinata. He was never really good at interacting with people, even if he got better with Hinata. They started dating in their last year of highschool and when they told it to their former senpais and current team, they were welcomed with a round of 'fucking finally', which made them blushing. They didn't realize how close they were before they started dating officially.

He removed his shoes and moved to the kitchen, opening the fridge to see what they had to make dinner. Suddenly, everything was quiet. Kageyama sensed immediately that something was really, really wrong, because Hinata never shut up. It was now eerie in the apartment.

He lifted his eyes to his partner, who was still fidgeting at the door. He closed the fridge and walked to Hinata, not quite sure what to say. Fortunately, Hinata spoke up first.

‘So, uh… What’s up Kageyama?’ he giggled stupidly.

‘What is going on with you, dumbass?’ Kageyama growled, worry sounding more like anger in his voice. ‘You’re weird since practice ended. Did coach tell you again that you suck at receives?’

Hinata averted his eyes, not answering. That’s not normal, Kageyama thought, worry definitely worming its way in his chest.

‘That’s not it.’ The red-haired man mumbled.

Silence.

‘Then, what is it?!’

‘I… I can’t play with you anymore.’

It was like air was knocked out of his chest all at once. His mouth and eyes opened wide, not yet able to process… what? He couldn't have said what he heard, right? His mouth wouldn't close as he was looking all over his partner face for an answer.

‘What are you saying, you can’t play with me anymore?’ he spluttered, trying to catch Hinata’s eyes without success. He took hold of his lover’s chin, forcing him to make eye contact. ‘What’s with this nonsense?!’

‘I… I just can’t, Tobio. Not anymore.’ He said softly as tears fell down his cheeks.

‘I want a reason, Shouyou! Why can’t you play voleyball with me, huh?’ he almost shouted, making Hinata flinch at the sound. He saw it, but he was so panicked that he didn't care.

‘It doesn’t feel the same as it did… I need to improve by myself now, away from our freak combinations. I need to improve, but not with you.’ He whispered.

Kageyama took Hinata by his shoulders and pushed him hard in the wall. His fist connected to the wall, angrily. It missed the red-haired boy by a few centimeters only. The latter had his eyes wide open, breath shallow.

‘Why didn’t you say anything, dumbass?!’ grunted the raven. ‘I need you, you can’t do that to me, I… I can’t – I can’t go on like that…’

Kageyama turned his head away from his lover’s face when he was met with silence. He couldn’t bear to see big amber eyes looking at him right now. He squeezed his eyes shut, hoping that the tears he felt forming wouldn’t fall anytime soon.

‘It doesn’t mean that we need to be away from each other for everything, Shouyou?’ Kageyama whispered, wishing his voice wouldn’t break.

‘… I think it would be better if we parted way for a while, Kageyama.’ Hinata said in a steady voice.

How could this clumsy, excitable, adorable bastard be so calm about it? He sure shed some tears, but he was already getting better. It took everything Kageyama had to not break down right there. Revelation hit the raven-haired boy suddenly, knocking the air out of him for a second time.

‘Did you take your decision now, or has it been…’ the setter started, looking at his partner, hopefully. He quickly found his answer, bit his lips and turned away again.

He took a shuddering breath and pushed himself away from the wall without any more words. He put his cold hands in his jacket and turned completely his back on Hinata, trying to swallow any anger, grief and sadness that were near the surface. He took many deep breaths to calm his emotions. 

‘Then, when are you leaving?’ he asked in a slightly more steady voice.

‘Tonight. I made arrangements with Kenma, I’ll stay with him for a while, but I think about doing an exchange year or semester too. Well, I still don’t know, it’ll depends on my improvements this year.’ Hinata babbled again, not seeing the flinch in Kageyama’s shoulders. He sounded so careless again. Kageyama knew for sure now that Hinata had took his decision for a while.

He nodded curtly. He couldn’t watch Hinata go away. He walked away briskly, not wanting to face those eyes he loved so much before his partner, rival and lover turned his back on their dream and their life together. He went back to the kitchen, putting his hands on the edges of the sink, not daring to look back at the door, at Hinata. He heard footsteps behind him going into their room, picking some stuff he seemed to have packed a while ago (Kageyama had thought his partner was going back home for the holidays). He squeezed his eyes closes, biting his lips to refrain anything that might come out now. He couldn’t believe what was happening. He thought they were happy together. They had some fights, sure, but nothing that could’ve have this as a result. He didn’t look back as Hinata took his things and he didn’t look back when he felt eyes boring holes into his back. He couldn’t cry now. Not in front of a solid Hinata. He was supposed to be strong, strong enough to bring them both to the top of Japan. What would happen if he broke right here, right now?

When had he become so frail? Before Hinata, he couldn’t even care about emotions. All he had was volleyball and that was enough for him. He didn’t feel bad for anything except when teammates weren’t fast enough or when he was benched and called ‘King of the court’. Then, he felt angry and it fueled his spirit, but nothing hurt this much. He didn't know how much this could hurt, like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. He had a hard time breathing, trying to keep it all bottled up for just a little bit more.

He heard a quiet sigh in the silent apartment, the sensation of eyes on his back was gone, and then, the door was opening.

‘Goodbye, Kageyama.’

The door closed and only at that moment did he allow himself to fall down on his knees, chest caving with panic, a scream forming in his throat and eyes welling up with tears he couldn't hold anymore.

Now he could break. Alone, as he almost ever was.


	2. Gathering Pieces of an Old Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama is trying to cope.

_Click._

 

_The door closed with a soft sound, and what was left to see was darkness and empty spaces. No more sunshine, no more colors, no more life._

_Alone. He was alone again. He sunk to his knees, slowly and silently, eyes still lingering on the door. His mouth was open like he was gasping for air he couldn’t find._

_Tears started dripping from his eyes, and he brought his knees to his chest, trying to hide the big hole where his heart used to be. He cried and it was not a nice view. He gripped his knees harder, trying to suppress the pain he felt, but to no avail. He couldn’t stop himself, closing his eyes in a futile attempt to stop the tears. His nails were digging holes in his arms but he couldn’t care less. He panicked and couldn’t think of anything but one thing: his boyfriend’s name, like a litany that hurt him more than it helped him._

_He could only cry and shout the name of his beloved partner until his voice gave out._

‘SHOUYOU!’

 

Kageyama woke up to his own voice shouting. His throat felt hoarse, like it wasn’t the first cry he let out while he was sleeping. Turning his eyes to the other side of the bed, he found it empty, like it had been for the last week. He turned away when he felt his throat well up with tears he was tired of shedding. Sighing, he closed his eyes. It wasn’t the first time he woke up like this.

 

With a deep sigh, he got up and went to the bathroom. He looked at himself in the mirror without any emotion in his eyes. He took a shower, hoping it would at least make him look more alive than he felt. After putting on a black tee and some jeans, the raven-haired man went to the kitchen and opened the fridge. He still didn’t go pick up groceries, so there were nothing in there. With yet another sigh (he was doing that a lot more now), he closed it and resigned himself to eat leftovers of some random fast-food again.

 

He sat down with the leftovers from the day before (or was it the day before that? He didn’t know and couldn’t bring himself to care). He glanced at the other side of the table but looked away as soon as he caught himself doing it. _There is no one there and you know it_ , he said bitterly to himself. Forcing himself to think of a blank sheet for the rest of his meal, he finished it quickly. He washed the dishes he just used and put them back in their place.

 

Now the hard part of the day was starting.

 

Kageyama took his bag and stuffed things for his classes. He took his keys, put his jacket on and got out of their – no, _his_ – apartment without any more thoughts. Almost none.

 

He took the bus alone and sat down, scowl enough to make every attempt to talk to him pointless. He was taking small breaths to keep his chest from hurting any more than it already did. He tried to even his breathing with little success, but at least he didn’t have any panic attack like it happened five days before. It was a small victory, but still one.

 

It hurt more than he thought it would: like his world had been broken like a mirror. Not a clean separation, no. There were a lot of sharp pieces all around him, waiting for him to walk on them and to shed blood on them. All those pieces were memories of them, happy memories, sad memories, funny and weird ones too. He couldn’t put them back together so he would feel better, because nothing was the same now.

 

He couldn’t still put a name on _it_. The tall man thought that putting a name on what was happening would make it real and irrevocable. He wasn’t ready for that and he didn’t know when he would be.

 

His stop came and he stepped out of the bus, walking for his morning class. At first he was sad that Hinata didn’t have classes with him, but now he was really glad. He couldn’t look at him after what happened. He even _skipped_ volleyball practice since then. Avoiding anything that could make him cry again was his only motive to go through the day.

 

He would become strong again, he promised himself. Not ever again would he let his heart defenceless again. No one would ever make him that weak. He couldn’t accept living this painfully ever again. Once was already too much.

 

It’s with that resolution that he got through minutes, hours and days. He stopped talking to people he used to since he got to college, only grunting when they tried to ask him some questions about his behavior. After only a week, he had already lost some of his so-called friends and he couldn’t care less. He was taking more interest in his classes than ever before now that he didn’t have any distractions besides them. He actually started to like his psychology class more and more. Trying to understand somebody else’s brain was taking him off his own problems. He actually thought about getting a degree in this to help people through this.

 

Who would have thought that Kageyama, blunt, socially awkward and unperceptive Kageyama could ever want to help other psychologically? Not him for sure. But his professor was really interesting when he actually listened to him instead of daydreaming or sleeping. He really wanted to put efforts in this, almost as if it was volleyball. If it didn’t hurt that much thinking about volleyball, he could scoff at his own thought. How _bad_ was it to actually enjoy classes more than his beloved sport?

 

He went to all of his classes of the day and at the normal time for practice, he turned his back to the school and hop on his bus, something still pinching painfully in his chest. Today, he didn’t even look in the direction of the gym. He tried to ignore the pain he felt, but volleyball was still a big part of his life. Not going to practice was almost killing him, but he couldn’t go back and see Hinata practicing with someone else or be happy about anything like nothing had changed.

 

Because for him, everything had changed. And he wouldn’t let it go back to what it was. He would become strong again and never, _ever_ , lean on someone else like he did once. He would take his time to acknowledge the fact that it hurt and to heal properly, but he would not make the same mistake twice.

 

Now, it was time for homework. Satisfied, he hopped down the bus and headed to his apartment. He walked looking down to the pavement, just repeating to himself:

 

_'I don't need anyone, I can and will be strong on my own.'_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry Kageyama, you needed to man up a bit, and I'll make you! And imagine Kageyama as a psychologist? Sign me up, I would love that!
> 
> And I'm sorry, I'm not sure how many chapters there will be to this, since I don't know precisely how it will end ^^' I'll try to update it each week but with work it might be difficult.


	3. Our Story Wasn't Meant to Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kageyama feels a weird tug in his chest when he sees Hinata for the first time in five years. But it's not a bad feeling.
> 
> Time pass and things change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i can't seem to find a way to take it slowly, since i changed my writing style quite a bit since June. 
> 
> this is the end and I didn't plan it to go like this, but hey, at least it's complete now!

_5 years later_

 

 

Opening the door of his appartment, Kageyama huffed a breath and put his briefcase down. Muttering a quiet "I'm home", he took off his shoes and put them neatly to their place.  He heard some pitter-patter coming toward him and he smiled as his tabby cat came to see him. He bend down to pat him, enjoying his soft purrs. Sighing, he straightened again and took his briefcase. He needed to work on something tonight, he wanted to be ready the next day to work with a new patient.

Kageyama really pulled it off after Hinata's departure. At first he was unable to do simple tasks, like eating or showering, but then he gradually found joy in his university classes. He, the boy who was only a genius when he was on a volleyball court, found something else he was good at. You wouldn't believe that the snotty, blunt and sometimes harsh teenager would become a kind-hearted psychologist. He was kind of still new to the job, but he felt the same thrill to improve that he felt when he played volleyball. He found a goal in helping people who couldn’t find answers in their own mind, who needed a little push from someone else to understand what was happening.

He really loved his new job. He even did make friends there with his coworkers. It wasn’t as solid of a friendship as he had with his Karasuno teammates, but he was getting there slowly. He didn’t want to get hurt as much as he did when his ex-boyfriend left him five years ago, so he was taking things very slow. He didn’t even get in any serious relationship after Hinata. At first it just hurt to think about someone getting as close as Hinata did, but then he just admitted that he felt better off alone, and would put efforts in a relationship when he would be ready to. He did have a cat though. That was a step in the right path anyhow.

He went to the kitchen and picked some leftovers from his fridge, put it in the microwave and made himself some tea. When his cat started to complain, he chuckled and gave him his own food. When everything was ready, he picked his food and sat down on the kitchen table and started to work on his papers. At some point, his cat hopped on his knees. He started to pet it and was rewarded with loud purrs of satisfaction. After his cat left his lap, he got up to make more tea and picked his cellphone from his pocket.

The raven-haired man smiled when he saw Naoki texted him to ask if he wanted to join him and some other coworkers to watch some sports event at a local bar that night. Kageyama felt quite good that day, so he agreed to meet them in a couple of hours, just enough time to let him finish his preparation for the next day and change from his work clothes to something more casual. He turned his phone off, took his tea and came back to work, humming a small tune as he did so.

Yeah, he was good now.

* * *

 

Once he deemed himself ready, he left his apartment and went to the bar where his coworkers were waiting for him. Luckily, it wasn’t far away, so he was able to go by foot. It was colder at night, but he just felt nice with a light jacket.

He pushed the door open and was welcomed by noises and warmth. He squinted to look out to his coworkers, who saw him coming and were currently waving at him with a big smile. He made his way to them, taking his vest off on the way to their booth.

“Well, it’s a lucky night for us if even Kageyama is willing to come with us!” winked Naoki.

The raven-haired man just rolled his eyes and sat down next to the blue-eyes man who just greeted him.

“Yeah well, I didn’t have that much work tonight, so I didn’t mind coming.”

“Oh, so you “didn’t mind” coming, yeah? I’m offended, Kageyama. I thought we had something more between us!” Naoki said hurtfully, a hand on his chest and honest to God pouting straight at Kageyama.

“You know what he meant, drop it, Naoki!” another man said, laughing a bit. Everyone else said hello to the newcomer, and he got himself a beer.

“What are we watching though? You said some sport event and nothing more.” Kageyama asked.

“Do you watch the news man? Today’s the first match of our Japanese volleyball team in the Olympics! Wouldn’t miss that for the world, no?” Naoki said with a wide grin.

Kageyama’s eyes widened a bit and his breath caught in his lungs. Only a little bit though.

“Oh… I didn’t watch that much news, so I probably didn’t see it, sorry. But yeah, that’s cool, I hope they’ll do good.” The black-haired man said, smile wobbling a bit but staying there stubbornly.

Everyone agreed to that sentence and they started to talk about the players. Kageyama was only half-listening until something caught his attention.

“…he’s like a small giant! Everyone else tower over him, but he still get a lot of points in!” one of his colleagues said, excitedly.

Oh. Right. Hinata probably made it to the Olympics finally.

Kageyama didn’t go to any other volleyball practice after Hinata left him. He couldn’t bear to see Hinata after what had happened, let alone practice like nothing happened. They didn’t have classes together, so he graduated without seeing him once on campus. Sure, Sugawara and Daichi updated him for a while, but when they saw that it hurt him more than anything, they stopped talking about him. So he didn’t really know what his ex-boyfriend was up to now.

It made sense that he went to the top of the world anyway. His first goal was to beat Kageyama, wasn’t it? The black-haired man could only agree that he lost this one. He didn’t want to play volleyball without Hinata, not when he learned what it was with him.

“Oh oh oh!!! It’s about to start!” Naoki yelled excitedly besides him, making him wince and tugging him out of his memories.

“We can see that, Naoki. Please calm down, you’re embarrassing.” A fair-haired coworker said, wincing like Kageyama.

The Japanese team was against the Canadian team. That would be interesting, if Kageyama watched the statistics of both teams. He settled back in the booth, waiting for the lineup and the start of the game.

It was then that Hinata Shouyou appeared in Kageyama’s sight for the first time in five years. He looked… different. Maturity could change someone, Kageyama knew. But it still made something waver in his chest when he saw the red-haired man not bouncing like he used to in the lineup. The look he had on his face was unwavering and calculating. Who thought Hinata Shouyou could look calculating? Not Kageyama, that’s for sure. He now had an undercut and his shoulders were broader, even if he wasn’t much taller than five years ago.

But hey, if he was on the Olympic team, he surely improved. Kageyama was sure of that: even if Hinata changed, he had always been thriving to improve. The raven-haired could only be happy for him that he realized his dream. The match started and he watched carefully, and yes, he wasn’t wrong.

Hinata _did_ improve and his mid-air battles were amazing. Better than the Small Giant the red-haired man idolized when he was younger. Kageyama felt a tug in his heart, but it was faint. He wasn’t heartbroken anymore. He was just sad he couldn’t enjoy this symbolic moment with Hinata. He knew how much this meant to him. He would have wanted to live it with him.

* * *

 

The match went on and Japan won after 4 full sets. That had to be hard, at that level, but Hinata and his teammates seemed to be high on energy after the last point. Kageyama could understand, he remembered the feeling of victory clearly, like it erased all pain and tiredness.

All the team got interviewed at the end, Hinata in the middle of it because he got a lot of points, of course.

“Hinata-san! How does it feel right now to be there?” a reporter asked.

“It’s amazing, I can’t believe it! It’s a dream coming true for me! But I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my teammates!” Hinata chirped, smile stretched and eyes crinkling from happiness.

“I’m sure of that! Would you like to say something to the country?”

“Hey Natsu, mom and dad, I did it!!! And thanks to everybody from Karasuno, you made me what I am now!” Hinata said with a curious glint in his eyes.

Well, Kageyama couldn’t refute what Hinata said: he improved a lot with Karasuno (he almost started from scratch too, but that wasn’t the point) and it made him thrive for more. The raven-haired male was happy that Hinata remembered their former teammates, even if he was probably talking to them on a regular basis, knowing he was good at making and keeping friends.

The celebrations at the bar continued, but Kageyama felt pretty tired after all the stress of the game, so he said goodnight to his coworkers and left not long after the game finished. It was colder outside and he shivered slightly. He started to walk fast, wanting nothing more than his apartment’s warmth and his cat purring on his lap.

He got home pretty quickly and fumbled a bit with the keys, getting inside and removing his shoes quickly. He took his jacket off and prepared to go to bed. He still had to work tomorrow and he wanted to be well-rested for this. He brushed his teeth and changed to his pajamas. His cat was already on his bed, as if waiting for him. Kageyama chuckled slightly and went under the covers. Then, he took his cellphone to set his alarm and was met with a text from an unknown number. Frowning slightly, he opened it and his eyes widened. He recovered quickly, something akin to sadness in his chest as he replied something, turned his phone off and closed his eyes.

“ _You know, you made me better too. I beat you though. I’m on the top of the world right now. I win.”_

_“Yeah, you won. Congratulations, Shouyou.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, i didn't mean it, but all is well now.
> 
> its half past midnight, i need to sleep GOD
> 
> i hope it didn't disappoint you!

**Author's Note:**

> hi guys! i'm sorry to make those dorks suffer again... I promise it will get better somehow!
> 
> leave kudos and comments again, it helps me improve my writing! thanks a lot for reading this!!


End file.
